Messages April 2000

Date: Sat Apr 29 11:26
Marilyn Felt (This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.):
    For celebrating Josh's birthday, May 18: To help us get through the day in Josh spirit, we're taking up the idea of chat fans for celebrating Josh's birthday with a Pancake Festival. We're going to have a Boston gathering for family and friends of Josh (fans included-you are friends). It will be on Thursday, May 18th, from noon to 2:00. We'll have plenty pancakes, lots of toppings, and we'll listen to Josh's music-some from the new album. If you'd like to join us, please let us know (email is best) so we can estimate what 'plenty' would be. When we hear from you we'll email back directions to our house. With love, Marilyn Josh's Mom

Date: Tue Apr 25 14:49
Elsa (This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.):
    I just had to say hello to Tommy Manzi. Tommy - you're words of Josh were beautifully said. From the bottom of my heart "Thanks" for sharing you're experience and feelings of Josh. Just like you, I am trying to lead my life the way Josh led his ... and I have to say "I'm loving it"! I feel love everywhere I am and I have to "Thank" sweet loving Josh for that. It is wonderful to love all around even at the things that could get in the way. Life is much easier when you share Love with everyone. Living in the City I never took the take to greet someone and give a smile. I was never a mean spirit but I am a shy person. I find myself making eye contact and making someone smile and it feels really good inside.. and when that happens I thank and think of Josh all the time - so a day never goes by that I will not have Josh in my heart and mind. Josh, I love you sweets and miss you very much.

Date: Sun Apr 23 13:17
Tommy Manzi (This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.):
    I've read all the JCF postings on a regular basis, but I haven't been able to bring myself to write anything... I (like everyone else) have been struggling immensely in the wake of Josh's passing. He was, without a doubt, one of the kindest, most sincere, special, inspiring people I have ever met. I last spoke to Josh on Sunday, 26th December 1999. I believe that was the day before the doctors pinpointed Josh's illness. Josh was upbeat and prepared to battle hard, regardless of whatever was ultimately determined. I'll always remember hanging up the telephone and thinking, feeling, believing that he would beat this, whatever it was. Afterall, Josh was an angel walking on earth... we needed people like him here on earth... there were powerful and positive forces at work. As I look back now, I am thankful that I was blessed to be able to have that last conversation and will forever regret that I didn't tell Josh that I loved him. You see I was convinced that he would beat this and that I would be able to fly to Los Angeles and spend time with him and Kaya during his recuperation. Josh's passing has left a hole in each of our souls, but his memory and impact (on each of our lives) will continue to resonate powerfully in all of us forever. I miss him horribly but will always keep his memory close to my heart. Josh taught me a great deal (much of which I am just realizing now). He was such an immensely unique and special soul. I will try hard to lead my life in the way that he led his. Josh once wrote me a note and ended it with this: "so have a beautiful day and what ever comes of all this, may it be for the absolute best for all, and make all of us shine as we really do anyway." So I say let's all shine in Josh's honor. Thank you for the music. Thank you for your love & friendship. Thank you for showing us the interconnected oneness of our exist

Date: Sat Apr 22 14:51
Williamton Angel (This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.):
    How did the memorial concert go? I couldn't go..seeing that i'm only 15 and live miles and miles away...

Date: Fri Apr 21 21:47
marisa (This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.):
    the funny thing is--and maybe it's not so funny, i guess--was that i remember reading the obit of josh back in january and getting upset because i had lost him as well as jeff buckley a few years ago (still remember that date: last week of may '97). and then, as things do, everything got lost in the clutter of my mind, discarded and shed and broken down and lingering in the back of my skull. life is like that. i left atlanta this morning to go see my parents, driving through the city on the way out of town, and put in an old mixtape. suddenly, "into the deep end" came out of the speakers and then--because everything pales now and again and the light is never as clear and beautiful as it once was--i wondered, what happened to josh? and suddenly, as i am mouthing the words on I-85 north, i remembered: oh my god, he died in january. and then it hit like a blow in the chest. i know it sounds trite and cheesy and i do apologize, but that's what it did. i began to cry. i wanted to meet josh and i never got to see him live, not his solo act nor school of fish. but i do remember his music always being there when i was down and i was buoyant. and it was startling to recall that he's no longer there, but that he HAS to be somewhere to better, brighter, and wonderful. but it was sad to have the memory of his passing and his life to come back full force. so when i was in the car, watching the pass of the clouds in the sky, the stillness of the southern countryside around me, i remember him. i wish i could have been to the memorial concert. i wish i could have seen him live. but, as i have said, everything gets lost in the clutter, and life is like that. au revoir, mon dieu... marisa "what was my escape is all that i have left, and the further you go, the deeper it gets..."

Date: Fri Apr 21 17:38
kat maslich (This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.):
    I first met Josh in 97 - in back of the Mint at a show. I saw him playing with his dog so lovingly as he fumbled through his car trying to unload his equipment at the same time. I felt a sense of warmth from him that I just had to go up and say hello. He was so amazingly kind and sweet that I had to stay to hear him. I was floored by his voice and songs -it made me realize that an angel was there that night. I will never forget that for as long as I live.. I went to the Mint last night for the memorial and I was touched and overwhelmed by the spirit in the room. It restored my faith in love and compassion! You needed to fly Josh..... Kat

Date: Fri Apr 21 14:59
eric reed (This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.):
    PANCAKES!!! IN LA!!! when? where?

Date: Fri Apr 21 11:04
jeff ((This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.)):
    Josh would have been and IS proud...to everyone who pitched in...you are all beautiful people. To everyone who came to share the night or just did something positive while thinking about Josh...you are all beautiful. Aw, Yeah.

Date: Fri Apr 21 09:14
MD (This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.):
    Hey everyone... What a shock! I didn't even know what had happened! My thoughts go to his family and friends. Well, I'll be going to put on my School Of Fish cds as soon as I log off here. I can't explain how much that band's music meant to me, especially the first cd (which was the soundtrack for many years of my highschool life!) I guess that will make me more determined to find, and maybe someone out there will be able to help me, to find a copy of the 3 Strange Days single, or copies of the "Let's Pretend We're Married" and other b-sides. thank you for your music... md

Date: Thu Apr 20 15:54
Elsa (This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.):
    Hi ya Sweets! Josh - I wish I could be among all the beautiful people who will be attending the Memorial Earth Day Benefit Concert for You - but since I am in Chicago ... I will be there in sprit! I know you will be there - you deserve to see how many lives you have touched so deeply (including me!) I am just proud and happy to know that kindhearted people will be gathering for a wonderful soul. Josh - you are truly LOVED by all. I miss you sweets! My heart goes out to everyone who will be attending tonite's concert. Enjoy yourself, have a great time and hold onto the love you will be receiving tonite. And of coarse to his Family, I bet you're hearts are bigger than ever to know that Josh is an inspiration that will last forever! Much love to you all. I love you, Josh!

Date: Thu Apr 20 10:42
Jeff Rosenthal (This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.):
    The show at the Mint is tonight at 8pm...Josh's music and love of fellow beings lives on...Jeffy

Date: Sun Apr 16 22:22
GB (This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.):
    What a complete shock to be looking through a back issue of Rolling Stone and reading Josh' obituary. Strange that I had just gone back to listening to Human Cannonball a few weeks ago. "Fountain" is a wonderful masterpiece of a song. Reading of his passing, I experienced the same feeling I had when I learned of Jeff Buckley's passing. Two brilliant writers who were taken from this world way too soon. I'm so thankful they left us with the music they did, and I so look forward to hearing Josh's last recording. What a great inspiration Josh was and will continue to be!!

Date: Sun Apr 16 12:04
Laura Clayton Baker (This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.):
    I've been reading these messages since my brother Josh passed away and have been so moved by them. Especially in the begining when our loss was so raw and unbearable your letters showed me, and all our family just how full and rich Josh's life had been, and how many people he had touched so deeply. You gave us a glimpse into some of the wonderful experiences he had had, and the way he had been touched by all of you as well. It was and continues to be a tremendous source of comfort, a treasure we can hold onto. I want you all to know that the record he completed, "Spirit Touches Ground", will most certainly be released, and when I know the where and when details I will announce it on this site. He spent the last 6 months of his life rerecording every song and about a week before he went into the hospital (He didn't even know he was sick at this point) he told me how satisfied and proud he was with the way it had come out. It is an amazing record and we want you to hear it as it meant so much to him to share his music with all of you. Thank you for your kind wishes, prayers and support. You have helped us so much.

Date: Fri Apr 14 21:48
erika (This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.):
    I didn't know that Josh had passed away and my heart nearly stopped when I read the words "Josh Clayton Memorial Concert" in the LA Weekly. Thank you so much for putting this website together to let people know and have a place to gather and remember him. I can't say I knew him well, but all my times with him are good memories. I was introduced to him by his stepbrother Josh Fink a few years ago, when I was still in school. Josh needed help in the studio on his new record and took his brother's recommendation to meet with this inexperienced young girl. We hit it off and he was willing to give me a shot. What a huge gesture that was, and even though A&M ended up nixing the idea, I'll never stop appreciating that fact. I saw him play down at Largo after that, always stopping to say hello and chat about life, recording, and family. I am so saddended to hear of his passing. He was a warm, sweet,and talented guy. I'm listening to 'What Good Is Heaven' right now, and mourning the loss. God Bless, Josh.

Date: Fri Apr 14 17:38
marly (This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.):
    I just found out about Josh's death. I must admit I am in a complete state of shock. I saw josh open for Tori Amos about four years ago, he complimeneted me on my John Lennon tee-shirt. I was beyond impressed with his performance and bought "inarticulate nature boy" shortly after and it still remains as one of my alltime favorite albums. Rock on Josh wherever you may be- you will never be forgotten ~love always, Marly

Date: Wed Apr 12 16:11
Elsa (This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.):
    I love you Sweets! I think about you everyday, all day. I regret that I didn't take the time to let you know how much I adore you! Although, I am sure you had an idea from all my love letters to you. I don't know why I stopped - it wasn't because I didn't think about you - I guess I just always felt like you would always be around to express my thoughts to you. I look back at the times we met and how you were always a sweetheart! I cherish my post card from London of the Crown Jewels - when you and SOF were on tour in 91-92. That was so Sweet of you guys to send that to me along with your Sweet Loving Words. I remember how Happy I was when I received it and thought how Awesome it was to get a post card from my Favorite Band. I don't know whatever happen to Dominic but he wrote some loving words as well and he was Always so Friendly and Sweet. I have the post card in a frame in my living room as well as my promo photo of SOF with you're loving signature and your adoring words of "We LOVE Elsa BIG". I cherish the drawing on my SOF tape cover when we first met and I mention to you all - how me & my friend drove from Chicago to Milwaukee to see you guys and you drew a picture of a car driving. The was so sweet of you. I am surprise you were listening - I wouldn't doubt if I might have been talking too fast seeing how I was so excited about meeting all of you! I still have my guitar pick that you gave me and I remember how happy you were that I made it into a charm to wear around my neck and how you were happy that I made it to the show. I am really sorry about not hanging around the last time I saw you in '95 ... (I'm really upset with myself) when you asked me to wait for you after the show - and I left. It kills me that I did something I didn't want to do. I can't believe that even with you calling me and getting me on the guess list I didn't wait around. Since you put me plus 1 - I invited one of my girlfriends and she was begging me to leave ... I should have told her to go ahead and leave while I wait for you but instead I didn't want her to leave alone so I left with her. I really hate myself for listening to her. And I am so sorry that I didn't get to see you with Tori Amos. I was so excited that day cuz I couldn't wait to see you! Then I got a page from the health club I was at and my boyfriend called to tell me that he was going into the emergency room. So my plans to see you had changed. I was feeling bad for my boyfriend and at the same time I was feeling sad that I was going to miss seeing you perform. I always kept the faith that I would see you again and now it hurts really bad that I can't talk to you or see your loving eyes and smile. This is why I felt the need to write this letter - I feel this is my chance to express my thoughts and feelings. Josh, "Beautiful Nowhere" is my Favorite CD! I can't believe it took me soooo long to send in my check to you. I always figure I would get around to ordering the CD and because I waited so long I didn't get the opportunity to have you sign my CD. Instead your Sister wrote me to explain that the day I wrote the check is the day you were admitted to the hospital ... which made me very Sad - I guess you never read my New Year Card to you. Thanks Laura, for sending the CD and for the Letter. My sincere condolence to you, Marilyn and your Family. You and Your Family are always in my prayers. Josh, I Love you and always will. Keep visiting me in my Dreams - they mean Alot to me.

Date: Tue Apr 11 01:12
eric reed (This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.):
    like keith, I am anxiously awaiting the release of "spirit touches ground"! does anyone have any info on it yet? I was at the listening party, and I was blown away by that album. for those who think josh could not improve on what he's done so far...you're wrong! the album is just that incredible! also...anyone else going to the josh/earth day thingy on the 20th? I will be there, and it would be good to have a chat with some fellow joshers out there. I've seen many of you several times at various josh extravaganzas in the past year or so, but I've always been too shy to approach anyone. maybe we can talk a bit about the pancake fest too...

Date: Mon Apr 10 15:24
Gonzalo Riffo (This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.):
    I must admit i do not know much aout josh or his life and i have never seen him live like most of the messages i just read, i did'nt even know he had passed away, i stumbbled on this great looking cd at a used cd store this summer it was a promotinal cd made of carton called inarticulate nature boy i did not think much of it, just thought this looks interesting, but when i got home and listened to it, it just blew me away, i love it and listen to it every day, one of my best buys defenitely, so i went on the net to see if he had other stuff avalible and found out he had passed away, i am truly sorry his music speaks very much of him....

Date: Sun Apr 9 10:16
jeff (This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.):
    Joshy - I'm off to see Pedro pitch for the Red Sox...I would have gotten you a ticket, would love you to have seen him, he is as inspirational as the BRUCE concert we went to last year. Miss you. Jef

Date: Sat Apr 8 13:57
jeff brown (This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.):
    you made it happen man, i love you.

Date: Fri Apr 7 18:01
Paul (This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.):
    somewhere in the world it's 3 am ............and I'm dancing to that broken record again.................. so glad I got to see Josh live once...........and so sad I didn't try to meet him after

Date: Thu Apr 6 19:16
Nadia Enshala (This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.):
    Was trying to find old School of Fish stuff on the net today. After much searching to find anything on them, I found a site which linked me here. I'm stunned to find out Josh is dead. His music got me through high school and a frightening marriage. He was so young, I feel sick. My sincere condolences to his family and friends. I never even got to see him play but he will be greatly missed, if nothing else than the loss of his music. God bless him.

Date: Thu Apr 6 15:53
amy kohrman (This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.):
    my friend marla told me about josh today. i met him and sera on duck hollow beach in wellfleet 2 summers ago. we were both walking our dogs on that beautiful morning and though josh and i kept our polite distances, our dogs couldn't keep away from each other, chasing each other endlessly into the surf. it was such a kick to watch them! eventually, our mutual laughter brought us together. we had a "got to know each other in 60 minutes or less" conversation and when i returned home after that chance meeting, i told my husband and his family that i'd just met a rock star on the beach. about 7 months later my friends, who were about to leave boston for an extended tour of southeast asia, mentioned that they had just sublet their place. i don't know why i bothered to ask "who'd you sublet it to?" well, you know the answer. small world, huh? the last time i saw josh, after several failed attempts to bring the dogs back together again, was at one of his shows last march at the kendall cafe. i brought my dear friend there to meet him hoping i could fix them up and, though sparks didn't fly for them, dar and i both really enjoyed the show. i remember he seemed so happy on stage, getting down, doing what rock stars do. it's a nice image to remember him by.

Date: Wed Apr 5 19:41
crystal (This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.):
    any videos available of josh's live performances? i was just curious because i only really knew him through his music & performances ~ although i met him a couple of times & he was so awesome! it still breaks my heart.

Date: Wed Apr 5 16:42
Keith Gerdes (This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.):
    Can anyone please let all of us know what is going on with Josh's new album. I was at the listener party and heard it and can't wait to hear it again! It is TRULY UNBELIVIBLE!!!!!!....Please let us know....

Date: Wed Apr 5 11:17
Jeff (This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.):
    The Mint Show is coming together...April 20th @ 8 pm....JOSH CLAYTON-FELT MEMORIAL EARTH DAY BENEFIT 6010 West Pico Blvd. Great Musicians honoring a great cause in honor of a GREAT friend.

Date: Sat Apr 1 17:35
Aaron Smith (This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.):
    Though I did not typically follow Josh's career, I did have the opportunity to see him perform a couple of times. He was truly a great musician and a joy to watch. I was searching for information to see about having him perform at the university I work at and was shocked and saddened to read the news. It is truly a great loss, but fortunately, we are lucky enough to have his music so that he can live on. Thanks Josh, you will be missed!

Date: Sat Apr 1 01:16
nic (This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.):
    If mostpeople were to be born twice they'd improbably call it dying ---... We can never be born enough. We are human beings;for whom birth is a supremely welcome mystery,the mystery of growing:the mystery which happens only and whenever we are faithful to ourselves. You and I wear the dangerous looseness of doom and find it becoming. Life,for eternal us,is now;and now is much too busy being a little more than everything to seem anything,catastrophic included.... Miracles are yet to come. With you I leave a remembrance of miracles:they are by somebody who can love and who shall be continually reborn,a human being;somebody who said to those near him,when his fingers would not hold a brush "tie it into my hand"--- nothing proving or sick or partial. Nothing false,nothing difficult or easy or small or colossal. Nothing ordinary or extraordinary,nothing emptied or filled,real or unreal; nothing feeble and known or clumsy and guessed. Everywhere tints childrening,innocent spontaneous,true. Nowhere possibly what flesh and impossibly such a garden, but actually flowers which breasts are among the very mouths of light. Nothing believed or doubted;brain over heart;surface:nowhere hating or to fear;shadow,mind without soul. Only how measureless cool flames of making;only each other building always distinct selves of mutual entirely opening;only alive. Never the murdered finalities of wherewhen and yesno,impotent nongames of wrongright and rightwrong;never to gain or pause,never the soft adventure of undoom,greedy anguishes and cringing ecstasies of inexistence;never to rest and never to have:only to grow. Always the beautiful answer who asks a more beautiful question --- e.e. cummings