Messages January 2001


Date: Thu Jan 18 17:35
Jeff (This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.):
    Hey, buddy...wow...one year...miss you, and I'll see you in the sweat lodge...I love you sooo much...aww, yeah....

Date: Thu Jan 18 02:57
renee faia (This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.):
    caught a beautiful dream the other night. i looked up to the sky and high, high above josh was flying. he had ribbons hanging from each of his wrists-they had little square pieces of reflective papers laced through them that shimmered with light. it was such a serene and powerful image. soon it will be a year since josh's passing. it's hard to believe. this year in my mind, i wish to truly celebrate his life. last year so much confusion and anger and sadness made it difficult to truly celebrate his life. because the thing is, i really feel in my heart that he is free and at peace and completely taken care of. he always had a beautiful smile on his face, and i'm sure that has not changed...lots of love to you sweet angel...

Date: Wed Jan 17 17:26
lindsay (This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.):
    okay, tomorrow is a year since Josh passed away. for so many reasons I can not stop tearing. Josh came to me in my dreams a couple nights ago. He was still alive and was just gone for a while. He was going to be able to join us for the one year mark of his passing. It seemed normal in my dream. Everytime I dream of him he is still alive. I think he is trying to tell me something. I hope he is at least. So a year is supposed to be a long time, right? It feels like there hasn't been enough time to grieve yet though. This is a hard one. I love that kid so much and miss him even more, which is BIG to say since I have so much love for him. But I listen to "Euphoria" many mornings and pray for him and love him. That's all I got.LOVE YOU JOSH

Date: Wed Jan 17 12:19
Keith Gerdes (kgerdes@titan):
    Can anyone please give us some more info. on the release of what I beleive will be the greatest album ever!!!!! I truly mean it! I had a chance to hear it at the the listener gathering after Josh had passed on, and it is truly unbelievable!Pleaase let us know about any info. you have, ThanksP.S. Like we always used to tell you when we would see you play, Your bad as hell my friend!!

Date: Tue Jan 9 23:56
Celia (This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.):
    I had just spent the morning in Boston making pancakes for my nephew and not telling him how they reminded me of Josh. I didn't say how much he was on my mind. How I used to smell the warm odors coming up from his place, how I could see him sitting on the boulder outside his door, eating pancakes in the sun. And there I was at the end of an overdue vacation, after being bumped from 2 flights, longing for Topanga and my dogs Zara and Kaya, there was Jeff. He was sitting in the asile of a plane I wasn't supposed to be on, as if he was waiting for me. We looked at each other, shocked but not really surprised. Not really surprised that someone had arranged for this New Year's Eve, a year after Josh got really sick, for us to spend 6 smooth hours flying toward home and talking about Josh. I could tell Jeff some of the painful memories etched in my brain, memories that I hadn't been able to share with anyone. And we laughed and talked about Josh and his spirit and how in some remarkable way he is alive in all of us. And when I got home, after kissing my dog, and Josh's dog frantically, I listened to my messages and there was one from John, Josh's father. It didn't seem surprising at all. And a year after Josh spoke his last words in my presence, I still miss him. And I know what I feel is nothing compared to his family and true friends. But he's still speaking to me today through his music, and his dog, and the oak tree happily growing for him here in Topanga.

Date: Tue Jan 9 12:48
mark polansky (This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.):
    its been a while jcf. i truly miss your words and your face. just listening to "soon enough" such a tune! much peace my friend.

Date: Mon Jan 8 17:56
Brian Maser (This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.):
    I wrote this poem for Josh a few weeks before he passed on! It will be a year since he left us physically, but he has never actually gone. Josh, thanks for looking after and taking care of my precious present... Your spririt lives within us all forever. Your path was so straight!------------------------My friend Josh,The road of life winds through many curvesMine keeps on turning, does it ever straighten outIn circles and circles, it’s circles for nowCan I keep spinning, is there any way outI dream of the days where my road rides so smoothThe wind keeps me cool and the sun warms my soulMy days are ahead though I’ll face them right nowTake a hold of the wheel, cause I’m driving through Starting to speed, feels like I’m slippin’Grasp my desire, feels like I’m trippin’Wait, my wheels are still on the groundWhat I have lost, I now have foundOpen my eyes and what do I seeMy life will straighten in front of meI always go forward, my path is so straightDon’t worry my friend, your life will be great! Your friend Brian …….

Date: Wed Jan 3 14:48
Megan (This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.):
    I feel terrible that I have been out of the loop for so long, and have not been keeping up with the latest news. I found out about Josh's passing from, of all places, the liner notes for Poe's new album. I was reading them at a stop light about an hour ago and nearly hit the car in front of me.My belated condolences to his family, friends, bandmates, and fellow fans. I saw Josh 2 or 3 times after the release of "Inarticulate Nature Boy"; by far, he was the most personable and down-to-earth musician I'd ever met. I stayed and chatte with him and his band members after both St. Louis shows for nearly an hour each time. One of my favorite "Josh pieces" was a promo interview on St. Louis' "alternative" station, the Point. Among other things, he and the band played a Stevie Wonder tune on kazoos! Hilarious. Josh's first album was also a staple on my own radio show on the Washington U campus (at 6 in the morning).For some time, I'd been wondering when the new album would be released. Now that (and many other questions about Josh) have been answered. This is an understatement, but he will be dearly missed!Megan.

Date: Wed Jan 3 12:14
Brooke (This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.):
    I’ve been thinking of Josh a lot through this holiday season. Today I decided to go to the web site to see my friend. Read through Jeff, Sam, Renee and Marilyn’s comments and had to go outside and catch my breath. Standing there thinking of Josh and how many lives he’s touched and how much joy he brought into peoples lives. Remembering the precious moments that I got to share with him. Thinking how grateful I am to have known him. I turn around to go back inside and sitting there on the window ledge was a freshly picked wild flower that had no business being there. I would like to believe that moments like that belong to Josh. Today also happens to be my birthday. Thanks for the flower Josh. Love you.

Date: Tue Jan 2 17:14
jeff (This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.):
    oops...I forgot to say that it was CELIA..wonderful Celia Brown, keeper of Kaya...wonderful, wonderful Dr. Celia Brown..

Date: Tue Jan 2 17:09
jeff (This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.):
    Well, I was probably not supposed to ask Josh for that favor on New Year's Eve, but his spirit came through in the most magical way...Despite all the cancelations, my flight remained intact, as scheduled and arrived early, but not without incident...undeniably magical incident...On the plane two rows ahead of me was my friend Bob Koherr, a very tall, muscle bound guy...we talked as we were getting into our seats...as I was putting my backpack under my seat, I heard him laughing with another passenger who was making her way to the back of the plane...she had commented on how she had always wanted to be so tall, and he on how on a plane he wished he were her size..."the grass is always greener," he said...I heard them laugh and i looked up...she looked familiar...as well she should have...she was Josh's landlord in Topanga, the person who drove him to the hospital, the person who has inherited Josh's dog, Kaya, the person who helped me accept that josh was dying...a true friend...and like me one of eleven people with gold bands with the inscription "Circle of Josh"...She had been in Morocco, was headed back to LA and was bumped from two other flights to miraculously appear on my flight and randomly joke with my friend Bob...Wow...the number of events that had to happen to place us in that moment...I had asked Josh to give me a smooth flight and suddenly, I had six hours to share memories...on the anniversary of the last time that Josh was able to speak to me, with the friend and doctor who was in the room with him the next morning when he was intubated - time flew while we did the same, smoothly, in very comfortable seats...amazing...love him

Date: Mon Jan 1 17:40
renee faia (This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.):
    january 1, 1997:"we then walked out & met fernando-who liked me alot. he walked right up to me, tilted his head and grabbed my shoe lace with his mouth and pulled it. it was so sweet. we took a few picures. i remember this image of josh holding his arms open wide with his head up to the beautiful treewhere fernando now was, the irish sky surrounding them. i like this boy. i like this bird. josh loved how fernando would jump over this little wire in front of the house-he showed me how he does it- jump! we got in the car to head into town and fernando jumped on top-we laughed. i couldn't believe this bird. he was sad to see us go and for a minute we thought he was going to come with us. but he flew up in the beautiful tree."...4 years ago today. one of my most cherished memories is the time i spent with josh in ireland. we celebrated new years eve & day together. at the time, we both acknowledged how grateful we were to be in such a beautiful place. as the clock reached midnight the band kept playing. we looked out the window of the pub we were in, "the spainard" and watched the snow falling. we both commented on how surreal it was to be there. the day that followed and the days before were filled with joy and wonderment and could not have been more magical. i feel truly blessed to have shared that time with josh, he made me see everything as a gift...and a gift it truly was. thank you my friend for your beautiful spirit, it continues to enrich my life...you will always be in my heart. may the love and beauty you so generously gave to this world live on forever...